The King of Jing-a-ling

Charlie-In-The Box: I am the official sentry of the Isle of Misfit toys. My name is...
Rudolph: Don't tell me: Jack.
Charlie-In-The Box: No, Charlie. That's why I'm a misfit toy. My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie-In-The-Box so I had to come here.
-Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

For the record, the kids are watching the Misfit Toys song arguing over which toys they want.

Have you ever noticed what an jerk Santa is in the Rankin/Bass Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? Consider the following:

• He tells Donner that he Rudolph's nose had better stop glowing, or he wouldn't be able to pull the sleigh
• He tells Donner how disappointed he is when Rudolph's nose is uncovered.
• The elves sing the new song they've been working on and Santa's only response is that it "need's work."
• When telling Rudolph that Donner, Rudolph's mom, and Clarice are missing, Santa is very worried, but not about their welfare, mind you. No, he's worried that without Donner he won't be able to drive his sleigh.

Now that's a bad Santa.



P.S. How'd they get my dad to do Comet's voice? (Actually, it was Don Adams.)
P.P.S. If you haven't seen Mad TV's Raging Rudolph, you need to.

How much to you love your pet?

I know he looks like me
Hates work like me and walks like me
He’s even got a twin like me
-They Might be Giants

Do you love your pet so much you spend $50K for a clone of it? Apparently someone does.

Then there's Strong Mad's new friend in the Homestar Decemberween toon. Now that's a companion.

The Injury

Is it "get a big band-aid" bad or "we're going to the hospital" bad?
-Sharon

It was the latter. You can take a look, but do so at your own peril. You've been warned.

I was working on "The Project" (which is complete, BTW). I needed to trim some wood shims I used to level out what I was nailing. The shims were thin wood, so I was using a razor knife to trim the excess. You can probably see where this is going. There was this one little nub still sticking out. A quick pass with the knife removed it just fine. Unfortunately, right below it was my thumb.

After shouting many words my children aren't supposed to hear, it was determined that, yes, a visit to the E.R. was in order. The girls went to the neighbors and Sharon and I headed off to CentraState Medical center. It was a bit crowded, so rooms were scarce. Right when they had one, a rig came with someone who was really hurt, and I ended up in one of the pediatric wing rooms. This meant that it had a really cool planet border and NASA poster on the wall. It also meant that no one knew who had my files.

Eventually one of the doctors came in and made short work of the clean and stitch process. Sitting up proved to be a mistake, however, as the room started to spin and fade a little midway through the process. Funny that up until then I was fine.

In any event, after more waiting and a final bandage wrap, we were on our way home with only four hours lost from the day. The stitches come out next Monday. So this Christmas, it's Franken-thumb.

Catching up on old business

I want to sqaure up all Family accounts tonight.
-Michael Corleone
The Godfather

It has been too long since I've last posted, so I want to get a few things out of the way here.

First, I never mentioned the great D&D game Rob ran a few weeks ago. I got to play a Druid, and let me tell you, they're cool! There were many cool moments in the game, where our biggest challange proved to be a gorge whose bridge collapsed. Thanks to a viper hiding in a tree, my character got accross the river on a dolphin back (long story there). There was also the great moment when the gnome sorcerer lept from the back of the dwarf that was carrying her up the cliff and fired off a set of magic missles mid-air to take out one of the lizard men. And let us not forget the single-minded play of the dwarf barbarian (INT 8).

Next let me just quickly seeth as Dubya pats himself on the back while signing the intelligence reform bill he was dead set against until he saw the polling numbers. I can see him laughing at the obscene irony of his flip-flop attacks Kerry. Grrrrrr.

Next let me say that the living room is done! Mind you, the hallway isn't, but soon.... I'll save one story there for another post.

Hmmm, is there anything else? well, the tree is up. Now I just need to finish the buildings on the layout. I guess that means enough time-wasting here.

Late night (or early morning) rambling

Captains log: I'm tired. So tired.
-Ren

The home improvement saga continues. Drywall and floor have been removed and replaced. I'm becoming a master of joint compound. Stanley Steamer comes on Thursday. I need to be done by then.

Forgot to mention this earlier - we saw The Polar Express last weekend. What a good movie. I know some of you were freaked out by the almost-real look of it, but I just keep seeing those Chris Van Allsburg drawings from the book. And they managed to expand the story into a movie yet remain true to the book. I know some have panned it, but I'm with Ebert on this one.

Oh yeah, cut and run Kerik (per Rob's post) just cut and ran.

Oh well, that's enough stream of consciousness for now. Off to bed.

More lies

Stack dead actors, stacked to the rafters
Line up the bastards all I want is the truth
Hey, hey now, can you fake it,
Can you make it look like we want
Hey hey now, can you take it
And we cry when they all die blonde
-Foo Fighters

Okay, this was news to me. I just read a WP article about Pat Tillman and learned he was killed by friendly fire. Apparently this came out about five weeks after Tillman's death, but I missed it then. Was it even a story? Now I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to learn that "his superiors exaggerated his actions and invented details as they burnished his legend in public, at the same time suppressing details that might tarnish Tillman's commanders."

Last night we watched an episode of Penn & Teller: Bullshit about psychics who talked to the dead. At Penn Jillette delivers a monologue condemning the psychics as the worst kind of con artists exploiting the dead and the grief of their loved ones. This is the same thing. Like the psychics, Tillman's commanders callously used his memory to their own benefit, at the expense of his friends and family. They exploited Jessica Lynch the same way, distorting her story to serve their ends.

Aren't these people heroic enough already? Do we always need to make them larger than life? Are they that afraid of the truth?

Staying the course

Heads of State who ride and wrangle,
Who look at your face from more than one angle,
Can cut you from their bloated budgets
Like sharpened knives through Chicken McNuggets.
-Cake

Last week we learned that a December 2003 report warned of suspected abuse in Iraq prisions. That was four months before the Secretary of Defense told us how shocked he was to learn about the abuses.

As of today it's official. Rumsfeld is staying put. Amid the resignations of half the cabinet, the one guy who should be resigning in disgrace is staying put, having been asked to do so by Bush.

One more reason to turn off 101.5

Can't shake the devil's hand
and say you're only kidding
-They Might Be Giants

If you're within range of the ear-sore that is New Jersey 101.5, this is yet another reason not to listen to them. It's from the Windsor-Hights Herald, the weekly local paper.

Craig Carton and Ray Rossi, hosts of the "Jersey Guys" show, decided to focus their spout of bile on a Muslim gathering at the Hightstown High School celebrating the end of Ramadan. The went so far as to state that the school should be swept for bombs before anyone was allowed back in. Carton is quoted in the article, where even in the post-program spin he manages to sound like an asshole.

There are also some bonus quotes from another bigot in Cranbury. He actually tried to justify his position by citing separation of church and state. As if he wouldn't be the first one writing letters of condemnation if the school board declined a Christian group use of the facility for a Christmas pageant.

Thankfully our school board is more sane and stated that the facilities are free for use for anyone who fills out the paperwork and pays the fee.

The latest project....

"Are you sure you can finish it by Christmas?"

-Sharon

I'm not going to divulge the nature of my latest home project. Instead, I will present the list of tools that I have employed so far:

• Power drill (drill and driver bits)
• Razor knife
• Needle nose pliers
• Channel lock pliers
• Wire cutters
• Reciprocating saw
• Circular saw
• Hand saw
• Hammer
• Crowbar
• Ladder
• Saber saw
• Screwdrivers
• Leathermen multi-tool
• Spatulas
• Two coat hangers that were untwisted and fashioned with small hooks.

At least that's the list so far....

Read this!

If you haven't already, you should read How Fucked Up Is That? A Blue Guide to Understanding the 2004 Elections.