When you don't know the answer...

Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck."
Miles (Curtis Armstrong)
Risky Business

Someone forwarded these to me - the appear to be a collection of funny test answers. I have no idea if their for real, but I got a real kick out of them.

Clearly each of ehese answers represent a person giving up. This first one just comes out and says as much:

These next two just went the wacky non-sequiter route:

Then there's the idea that if you follow the instructions, no matter how you follow them, you must be right.

I love the found x. Heck, that was easy!
And finally, like Kirk with the Kobayashi Maru, if don't know the solution, change the problem.

Well of course. There's an elephant in the way. I'll have to remember that one.

Release the hounds!

Along about midnight when it's dark, dark, dark
There's a long, low whistle and a faraway bark
And then a high, high whistle only hounds can hear
To let them know the train, the dog train is near

"Dog Train"
performed by Blues Traveller
lyrics by Sandra Boynton

We're getting two new hounds! Tomorrow! Woo-hoo!

(We tried to warn the cats, but I don't think they understood. They will, oh yes, they will.)

Clearly it's Friday

Monday I have Friday on my mind

David Bowie

Okay, no posts in a long time. This is because I've been so busy at work, though the following photo of my trash seems evidence to the contrary:

In my defense I will only say that the Marlboros, Cokes, and three of the bottles are not from me.

Paging Mr. Murphy

Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong
Murphy's Law

Let me first point out that I have configured and enabled the Microsoft Routing and Remote Access service multiple times. Each time the configuration worked perfectly, on the first try, with no adverse effects to the system or network. Why was I so successful? It had nothing to do with skill or knowledge, I assure you. There was only one reason: I was standing right in front of the server when I did it.

The most recent time I configured the Microsoft Routing and Remote Access service, the system I was working on was not right in front of me. It was not in a nearby room, not in the same building, not even the same state. It was, in fact, at a hosting provider in St. Louis, Missouri. It was also 8:30 PM on a Sunday night. Oh yeah, did I mention that this was on the database server behind our production web servers.

Three hours later everthing was fixed, but I'm left pondering the often quoted, more often ignored Murphy's Law. I decided to check out its origins at (where else?) the Murphy's Law Wiki Page. It turns out Murphy's Law is named after Maj. Edward A. Murphy, Jr., an aerospace engineer who worked on experimental rocket sleds in the 1950s. He is rumored to have uttered the adage after a subordinate miswired a bunch of sensors resulting in useless test results.

There are actually conflicting accounts around this event. Some stories suggest it was really Murphy's fault for poor planning, and that term was a less-than-subtle dig at Murphy. Others suggest that it was just a quip of Murphy's that became the team's way expressing the pragmatic doctrine of always expecting the worst. That is certainly what the expression became as it was popularized by Murphy's friend and next-door neighbor John Paul Stapp.

Stapp was known as the "fastest man on earth" for his runs on the rocket sled. He was also a collector of expressions and adages, writing them down in a notebook he kept. At a press conference he was asked how such a dangerous program as the rocket sled experiments could have so few injuries. Stapp replied that they always considered Murphy's Law and explained what that meant.

Which is why I can blame Murphy now, instead of my own carelessness.

The End of Summer

The summer wind, came blowin in - from across the sea
It lingered there, so warm and fair - to walk with me

Summer Wind
lyrics by Henry Mayer

You've probably read Sharon's post. Today we lost our greyhound, Summer. Earlier this week she began vomiting. What the vet initially thought was pancreatitis turned out to be acute renal failure. Her kidneys stopped working. We don't know why; they will do tests to see. The answer won't help much, but our neighbors have dogs and sometime maybe so will we. We need to them to be safe.

When it came time, the vet began to explain the procedure, and we kind of cut him off. We already knew, we told him. We had gone through this only six months ago with her "sister" Toasty. That one came quickly, too. At the time, I remember thinking it may not be too long for Summer. She'd lost a leg to cancer, and there was every chance it would show up in her lungs or elsewhere. When they X-rayed her, it turned out she was clear. We never got a chance to take joy in this news.

On the drive to the vet, my one hope was that Summer would perk up, just a little, when we arrived. I wanted her to have some last bit of joy or relief. Just before the vet administered the drugs, we got her collar down. This was Sharon's idea; Summer was always overjoyed when the opportunity for a hop came up. It was possibly her favorite part of the day. She did perk up a bit. Her eyes openned wider, and her ears went up. I couldn't see her tail under the blanket, but maybe it thumped a little. I hope so.

There will be other dogs, and I expect they will be as dear to us as Summer. But there will only be one Summer Storm, and like we always told her, she was a good girl doggie.

Thirty-two days later

I can have a complete conversation on my own, and you know to stay out of it. You're in your own anyway....
Sharon

It has been a long conversation with myself. Here are a few of the things I would have blogged if I wasn't totally lame:

• 7 November: C'mon baby! C'mon! Daddy needs a new goverment! C'mon!
• 8 November: Woo-hoo!
• 9 November: Now what?
• Details of converting old Christmas tapes to digital format because the cars don't have tape players anymore.
• A post about a new contractor hired for a project I'm leading at work, and the... um... spirited debates we've been having about how stuff should be built.
• Several fun podcasts, including "How to Succedd in Evil."
• A paragraph dancing around the ugly fact that our cats have destroyed the floor in our office. A paragraph describing the 2-3 day project of replacing floor boards and cleaning the carpet. A paragraph (or two) on how I had to replace the door, and the frame, and the sub-floor. A paragraph cursing my home's previous owner and the fact they didn't use caulk.
• How I put the Pythagorean Theorem to practical use.

That's all I can come up with for a synopsis. I'm a little foggy right now from all the carpet cleaning chemicals. I will endeavor to post something more substantial soon, perhaps elaborating on the Pythagorean Theorem bit.

P.S. I'm listenning George Carlin's When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? and I'm wondering if the funniest part is the title. I'm a little dissappointed there.

Hubble Rescue Greenlighted

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

NASA gave the green light to a final Hubble servicing mission!

"Big Fat Idiot" Ain't the Half of It!

You absolute horror of a human being.
Simon Bishop (Greg Kinnear)
As Good as It Gets

Rush Limbaugh sought new depths to sink to yesterday when he accused Michael J. Fox of faking Parkinson's disease. The Washington Post story by reporter David Montgomery begins this way:

Possibly worse than making fun of someone's disability is saying that it's imaginary. That is not to mock someone's body, but to challenge a person's guts, integrity, sanity.

That showed some pretty impressive restraint. I guess, "Could Limbaugh be any more of an asshole?" wouldn't have made it past the editor.

Update: My hero Keith Olbermann voted Rush Monday's Worst Person in the World.

Goin' Mobile

And we'll see how it feels
Goin' mobile
Keep me movin'
-Pete Townshend

Okay, I'm trying out blog posting from my PDA phone. Let's see how this works....

Goodbye, Habeas Corpus

A government more dangerous to our liberty, than is the enemy it claims to protect us from.
Keith Olbermann

I have two things for your consideration now that the Military Commissions Act is law:

First, from WBEZ in Chicago, This American Life episode 310: Habeas Schmaebeas. It is a detailed account of how our government has denied Habeas at Guantanamo Bay and the gross injustice that has resulted. To listen, Click Here.

Next Keith Olbermann expresses the outrage we should all feel in this week's Special Comment:

Text Version

Return of The Hunter

I'm on the hunt, I'm after you.
Duran Duran

Every season has its familiar little joys we look forward to. Autumn, for me, has leaves, apples, and Halloween. It also marks the return of Orion, The Hunter, to the night sky. I never go out looking for Orion. Still, every year there comes a night when I glance up at the night sky, and there are the three bright stars, all in a row, that comprise his belt.

Like the Ursa Major, the "Big Dipper," Orion is a constellation that dominates the sky. You can't miss it - even in the light polluted skies of central NJ. And no wonder. Orion is home to six of the fifty brightest stars in the sky (our sun included). Two are in the top ten. Rigel is the blue-white star at his left knee. Betelgeuse is the reddish star at his right shoulder. I just read that Betelgeuse is one of the largest stars observed, with a radius roughly the same as that of Jupiter's orbit.

My favorite part of Orion, though, is the Orion Nebula. In clear dark skies, even the naked eye can see that there's something in Orion's sword that isn't a star. With a decent pair of binoculars you can clearly make out the nebula and maybe one or two of the young stars within. View it through a telescope and you're in for a treat. It quickly fills the eyepiece with purple clouds and tiny pinpoints of light from newborn stars. If I were Carl Sagan I'd have a more eloquent description, but for me it's just cool.

Tonight it's cloudy, so you can't see any stars. It's been a week since I spotted Orion. I meant to post this sooner, but I seem to have less blogging time, lately. But the idea stayed with me, so here it is.

More lies: Bush and so-called Faith-Based Initiatives

There are... there are... there are extreme elements that use religion to achieve objectives.
President George W. Bush
Baby, you ain't kidding.
Bill (David Carradine) in Kill Bill: Volume 2

Keith Olbermann's open war on Bush is his report Tempting Faith, the new book from David Kuo, second-in-command of the Office of Faith-Based Intiatives. It is a detailed account of how the office is merely a tool to sucker evangelical Christians out of their votes.

I'm scooping Rob S. on this one. Here's the video:

Couldn't even hear the whistle blow

Lord I'm one, Lord I'm two, Lord I'm three, Lord I'm four,
Lord I'm 500 miles from my home.
Hedy West

Sunday morning I began my day 1000 miles from home. It was the last day of our vacation in Florida. Sunday evening we boarded our 6:20 PM flight back to NJ. Sunday night found us safely home and in bed.

By 5 AM Monday morning, I was already up and back in Newark, boarding the 5:20 AM flight to Charlotte, NC. At 9 AM, I was in Greenville, SC. I was 700 miles from home. I made the return trip that same day, arriving home at 9 PM.

By 10 AM Tuesday I'd driven 75 miles to White Plains, NY. The traffic gods smiled on me that evening, and I was home by 7:30 PM.

In three days I travelled 2,550 miles through five different states (not counting the ones I flew over). I went through three international airports. I drove two rental cars, flew two different airlines, and rode on three different planes.

Some observations:

• I would fly JetBlue over U.S. Air any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
• The Chevy Cobalt was better than I thought, the PT Cruiser less than I hoped.
• I should have asked for an economy car. They never have them, so I'd have been upgraded for free.
• Orlando is a really nice airport. Charlotte is okay. Newark is getting better.

Yesterday, I went to work. It's 21 miles each way, and I don't have to leave the state.

Back in beer

Nearly two months of silence? You're like a Trappist monk!
Rob S.

Okay, fair point. It has been a long silence. Call it a sabbatical. But a Trappist monk? I think there are some key distinguishing charateristics. I will, however, concede one similarity: beer. Monks make beer. I make beer. That I make beer with my wife, of course, is yet another case where the similarity ends.

Speaking of beer, what have we been brewing, you ask? Well, let me tell ya!

Seaside Park Summer Wheat
It was intended as a German style Hefe-weizen, but alas, the brew store had no German wheat. Instead, we used Belgian Wit yeast. What we ended up with was a light yet fruity beer that went down easy and, for me, embodied summer quite nicely. It was brewed special for our week-long vacation at the shore, and much was consumed there.

DIY ESB
Two three letter acronyms mean one tasty beer. ESB is Extra Special Bitter and boy was it ever special. We enjoy all of our beers. We really like many of them. Then there is the select few that we savor, and when they're gone we remember fondly for years. This one falls into that last category. This was one great beer, and not that it's gone we miss it. (Maybe later I'll upload the label for this.)

Red Ale
Red Ales are, contrary of to the name, more dark than red. The red color can be perceived when you hold it up to the light. This one is more copper than red. Roasted barley is what produces the red hue, though what we ended up with was more copper than red. Maybe next time we'll try roasting ourselves. That doesn't mean it's not good beer. It less hops than some, with a nice dry malt finish.

Marzen
This was actually started before the other beers on this list (in March), but true to style it was not ready until now. It's a classic Oktoberfest lager, fermented and aged at lower temperatures than ales. It's a smooth and malty like it should be. Of course, homebrewing has it's pitfalls. Our old nemesis, poor carbonation, has returned. We'll see if a little more time makes the difference. It has in the past.

So there you go. Finally a blog post, and it's about beer. Now let's see who still comes here....

The Scotty approach to deficit reduction

Kirk: Do you always multiply your repair estimates by a factor of four?
Scotty: How else to maintain my reputation as a miracle worker?
Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Star Trek fans accross America had to be pleased yesterday with Bush's homage to Commander Montgomery Scott. The AP article does not quite capture the absurdity the way NPR's David Greene did in this Morning Edition segment.

Eastern Organic update: time running out.

Ooooh that smell
The smell of death surrounds you
Lynyrd Skynyrd

I missed this story when it came out in June.

The DEP if piling up the fines against Eastern Organic Resources because of run-off and the stench from their Woodhue Composting Center in Burlington County. The latest fines total $955K with another $81K penalty for generating income while breaking the law. I've been watching this one deteriorate (or perhaps decompose) for months.

Even in the latest article, the concept sounds like a great idea:

Eastern Organic Resources takes in tons of rotting fruits and vegetables, stale bread, grass, leaves and other perishable organic materials and mixes them with dirt to produce a nutrient-rich compost and topsoil. The company then sells the product to golf courses, garden centers, nurseries and builders.

Sometimes a great idea isn't enough. It would seem they just cannot make it work in a way that protects the water in local streams and the nostrils on local residents. It's a shame.

For their part, Eastern Organic Resources continues to assert that they could fix the problem by enclosing the composting center, but the state won't let them implement this solution. I have a feeling it's not that simple. At least I hope it's not.

Meanwhile, everyone is awaiting the outcome of formal proceedings to shut the operation down entirely. Things look pretty grim at this point.

You shone like the sun

Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pile on many more layers and I'll be joining you there.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Pink Floyd
"Shine on You Crazy Diamond"

Syd Barret died several days ago, quietly ending what had become the very quiet life Pink Floyd's founding guitarist. His death was reported today by the AP. There were few details, the announcement coming from a spokesperson for the band.

I am Carl Spackler

In this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong.
Carl Spackler (Bill Murray)
Caddyshack

Rodents beware! You will find no pity here! A pox on you all!

Let's just say that squirrels and mice are majorly on my shitlist.

Vacation's over

Vacation's over.
President Bartlett

Yeah, still here. Been on vacation for a week - Lake Winnipesaukee in NH. It was a great week. I swam every day, canoed, kayacked, and hiked.

One hike was up 2033' Red Hill. The hike was 5 miles, round trip, with an approx. 1700' ascent. This describes the hike (though on our descent we followed the Teedie instead of Eagle Cliffs trail). The trail is impeccably maintained by the Squam Lakes Association. The other hike was up 1067' Mt Fayal. The trail is part of the Squam Lakes Natural Science Center, which also houses members of local species unable to return to the wild because of injury or overexposure to people.

We ate well, enjoying meals from:

• The Woodshed in Moultonboro. If you eat beef, eat here. The lobster crepe was also delicious.
• The Town Docks in Meredith. Great casual seafood fare. Lobster Rolls and Smutty Nose IPA on tap. Mmmmmm.
• Canoe in Center Harbor. Get the lobster mac 'n' cheese, but split it with a friend. They do take out. (Safe those food containers!)
• Walter's Basin in Holderness. Lakeview dining on "Golden Pond" (yes, the "Golden Pond"). Tukerman's Pale on tap.

And you have to be touristy now and then. We did our part by taking a cruise on the M/S Mount Washington. It was a beautiful day with great weather out on the lake. The kids had a blast. As a bonus, the bar had Harpoon IPA on tap.

So yeah, I guess you can tell we did our part to support the local breweries. Smuttynose and Tuckerman's topped my list of favorites, and both were available at most supermarkets and convenience stores.

So that covers my abscence last week. Before that, blame these guys. I'm all for providers and factories, but do you really think anyone's going to run this thing on Oracle? But I digress....

That's MY Assemblymen!

Not as much as no name politicians from New Jersey.
Ann Coulter

His name is Michael Panter, Ann, and I voted for him. It is out of respect for him that I have not told you what you can do with your book or where you can go.

My assemblyman, Michael freakin' Panter, challenged Coulter on her home turf -the FOX "News" Hannity & Colmes show. My favorite line:

Your hyperbole is exciting, but no one wants to burn your book.

Yeah! Damn, I was proud of my district tonight!